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2002-04-11 - 10:34 p.m.
This hurts again. Still.
Today is our four year anniversary. I sent Jenny flowers at work. I was happy that I was able to, since ftd.com wasn't able to deliver on Saint Valentine's Day. (If that wasn't a bunch of fuckery, I don't know what is. I'll, of course, never use them again. Plus they dicked around with my money for a week before it showed up again in my account, thus rendering the money, that I had saved aside especially to send flowers to Jenny, unavailable. Thanks a lot ftd.com, may you become a dot bomb.)
Anyway. So Jenny called me to thank me for the flowers. And I was so happy that she got them, and I asked her if they were nice and all, and she says, "This just makes it harder*".
"Makes what harder?*". "You know.*" she says.
So, when she said "We have too much together to be apart*" the other morning, I guess she wasn't reneging. Just commenting. Crap.
So now my mind is in a complete downwardly spriraling whirl. I guess I can look forward to another night of crappy sleep, and bad dreams.
I don't think I'll cry so much, because, like I said, I've already cried like a baby over this, but I feel pretty low. Jenny's working late again tonight, so the apartment's gonna feel that sad lonliness again.
I gotta get a chance to talk to Jenny again where we're not in the middle of getting ready for work, or something, so I can get a definitive answer. I really can't take any more of this up and down stuff. And I might as well just go with it on my end. I mean, ultimately, it's for her own good. And I guess mine. It realy hurts now though, as usual, breakups always seem to happen around the most romantically sentimental times. Like my first girlfriend, broke up with me on Valentine's Day.
Well, I can look forward to another decade of bachelorhood. I need another good cat. And another good single guy friend.
*Note: All quotes are at best paraphrased, at worst completely wrong, due to my complete lack of memory, especially in the face of emotional turmoil. This note applies to all entries past or future, quoting all persons and even non-persons. Thank you.
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So, how do you like them apples?