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2006-04-16 - 10:42 p.m.
Meanwhile, while I'm pissing and moaning about how much I don't appreciate my life, my uncle is dying of lung cancer.
Fuck.
Why does it always take someone else's tragedy to take the blinders off.
I can't beat myself up about it too much though. Everyone feels crushed by their own circumstances, don't they? I mean, we're, all of us, immersed in our own small lives, and it does take something shocking or tragic to shake us up, to make us grateful for what we have.
At least that's how it works for me.
Frankly, I'd rather sit in my rut and cry in my beer than bear the sadness of another death, though.
*****
What makes this more distressing for me is my feeling of disconnect from my family.
I have this family out there that I hardly know.
My mother's family is... well, I don't know. I don't even know if my mother's sister is still alive.
And I barely know my father's family.
I feel, I should say I have felt closer to my friends than to my own family. But I even feel that bit slipping away.
I spend so much time alone.
(crap, this is going nowhere except back to self-pity.)
Bye.
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So, how do you like them apples?