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2002-04-19 - 4:08 p.m.
Today I found a potential apartment site in Wilmette, and another one in Winnetka. Though the one in Winnetka was more than I really want to pay. I�m not sure I want to move all the way to Winnetka either.
So this whole separation thing is making me pretty sad. I guess you can tell from my recent entries. I feel all lonely and sort of empty.
I felt it especially when I was perusing some Wilmette business page that listed local businesses. I was looking at it to see where the local grocery store was, the laundromat, pet store, etc. At first I was kind of excited. But then I started thinking that maybe moving to the suburbs was going too far. I wouldn�t be close to any of my friends.
Of course now that I think about it, I don�t have a lot of friends in the city now. At least not close to the city areas that I might consider moving to. John lives in Sauganash, which isn�t that far from where I am now, but might actually be easier to get to from Wilmette, or one of those other expressways, since 94 goes right by his house. But it�s not like I�ve been seeing a lot of him lately, what with the wife and kid and all.
George lives out�well, I�m not really sure where George lives. I guess I don�t see him enough to worry about easy access. Peggy, the same. Mark, again, I don�t see him very often. Ggreg, hmmm, I guess it�s just as far from Wilmette to LA as it is from Chicago. Probably easier to get to O�Hare from Wilmette.
It would mean that I�d be pretty far away from Jenny. But, that�s probably for the best. I mean, if she�s going to be independent, she can�t be leaning on me for every little thing. I want to, I hope that we can be friends still; as much as that�s the one thing a guy should never allow a woman to pull on them after a break up. But I�m not sure of what this is that we�re going through. I know it�s an ending. It�s a change of our relationship. I suppose it means the end of our relationship in terms of romanticism.
The thing is, in my mind, I�ve put the spin on it that Jenny needs to learn to be independent, and grow up, and learn how to make friends and be with people her own age, etc. But is that the truth? From both of us?
Ggreg said he read some study that found that the average human relationship, that is the love and romance part lasts about 2.5 years. Has our relationship just run its course? What a sad thought. (I just felt like you do when you reach the top of the hill on a rollercoaster and it drops down the other side. You know how you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach? That surge of apprehension? That brief feeling of weightlessness?)
I could just cry.
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So, how do you like them apples?