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2004-08-02 - 6:50 a.m.
Yeah, so, I use porn. Big surprise, I'm a guy.
But it's always with a sense of... not shame exactly, but sort of, maybe a type of sorrow. Not for me, though I'd rather be engaged in the real deal rather than watching someone else, but moreso for the women in porn.
Sometimes I see women in porn that are achingly beautiful, and I wonder why on earth a woman so pretty is doing porn for a living. Of course there's the obvious, she's doing porn because she IS so damn pretty, and it must be relatively easy for beautiful women to score a job in porn. And I suppose it can pay well, if you're lucky.
I guess even woman who're heart-rendingly beautiful could have gotten a lot of shitty breaks in life, and porn was an easy means to make a living. Or some of these women could be dumb as a sack of hammers. Or addicted to drugs.
I suppose some of the women I see in porn are just plain into it. They really like sex, enjoy it, and making porn was a way to pay the bills and get off too. And probably some of the women are smart and basically normal in every other way, and do porn to make a bunch of money quickly, or easily, so they can pursue other interests.
And I wonder, after seeing some woman get fucked every which way to Sunday, what her personal life is like off camera. Does she have a boyfriend, or a husband, and what's that relationship like? Does she tell him, "Not tonight, honey, I'm too sore." Or, "Not tonight, babe, I gave at the office."?
Do they date the guys in porn? I know they must, there was that couple in the 80s that had the butterfly tattoos. But, it seems like most guys in porn are just pigs. I mean, when you hear some of the things porn guys say in off camera stuff, and even on camera. Maybe I'm just a prude or something. I have a hard time speaking crudely to women, especially girlfriends, unless I'm joking. Talking dirty in the bedroom doesn't really appeal to me. I suppose if a girlfriend started talking dirty, I mean being really crude, I'd be appalled. I wonder if I'd get into it, and get turned on? It's never happened though.
For all the sexual experience I have, I guess I'm pretty naive. Not that I'm some kind of sex monster, but I've been around the block a few times, and in strange circumstances.
I guess I view sex more as a sharing thing, an expression of love. Even though I use porn to satisfy my manly "urges". When I'm with a woman, it's more about affection, and love. (Yeah, so you can imagine how few one-night-stands I've engaged in. Not really my thing)
Sheesh, I'm such an innocent in some ways. I mean, I have trepidation about cumming in a woman's mouth, especially without warning. Heh. And facials, uh... not without explicit permission, and besides, not really my thing either. There's a sense of disrespect, or degradation there that I'm uneasy with. I suppose I could be trained.
And I guess that's what it comes down to for me about women in porn. That sense of disrespect or degradation. I don't like to see women treated disrespectfully. Especially when it comes to sex. I mean, it's almost holy to me, that sharing of love and affection between two people. But, I don't have that whole "slut/whore" thing going on, either. That is, I don't call, or consider, women who're into sex, or promiscuous, or who dress provocatively, "sluts" or "whores". Guys that act like that creep me out.
I know it's hypocritical to use porn if I feel that way. Oh well. That's life. Hypocrisy is unavoidable, even if you strive against it. Anyone who says they're not, in some manner, a hypocrite, is lying.
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So, how do you like them apples?