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2003-10-10 - 5:30 a.m.
You know, the only thing that's been keeping me going on is the hope of a better future. Now that I'm in the future, I see that it's more of the same. Life just doesn't get any better, it just goes on.
I don't want to die, but I don't see the point any more in living. I'm pretty much stuck. I don't see a better future. I see more of the same bleakness.
I guess at some point you just have to resign yourself to your fate. I think mine is just a life of mediocrity. No riches. No lifelong love. No fame. Just a long trudge from here to death. Then to hopefully suffer as little indignity and pain as possible during the transition from life to death. Then oblivion.
In the meantime I only hope I outlive my cats. I just want them to have a safe and happy life, loved and well cared for. And that's really the only hope I have. To stay alive long enough to make sure that those two cats are not left alone in the world to an uncertain future.
Pitiful, I know. Believe me, I know.
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So, how do you like them apples?