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2003-09-27 - 1:53 p.m.
Mostly I'm okay. I go through my days with barely a hitch. But underneath, there's a part of me, the part that loves Jenny and the life we had together, our friendship, that part is writhing in agony. Every once in a while it breaks free of my efforts to keep it tamped down, muffled, locked behind a door deep in the dungeon of my heart/mind. Then it roils around on the deck of my conciousness and wrecks havoc.
Then it's darted, subdued, bound and thrown back into it's cell to batter at the door. The only sign of it's efforts the tears rolling down my cheeks and the lump in my throat. But I want to scream at the sky.
And I'm only the ex-boyfriend. Imagine how awful her mother and father and brother and the rest of the family feel. I do, and that adds more to my own pain.
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So, how do you like them apples?