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2005-02-21 - 5:40 a.m.
What is it about time that eludes me? I feel adrift in it.
I have a real hard time with dates, and calendars. I can't keep track. Visualization is difficult for me. In either direction on the timeline, forward, or backward.
For example, I'm not sure how long it's been since Jenny was killed. Or how long 'til payday. To be sure of these things, I have to call up a calendar, check dates.
Just like studying history has always been nearly impossible for me, despite my interest in it in the last decade. When reading a history, and the author starts placing things by date, I'm completely lost. It's like the dates wash over my conciousness. Sort of like the idea of meditation where you are supposed to let thoughts flow away and not hold on to them, you notice them, and let them go.
It's not that I'm unable to remember the past, hardly that, it haunts me. And the future is a place I keep looking forward to. I can't say I live in the present, in fact, my mind is nearly always in the future, or the past. It's the metrics of time that I can't get.
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So, how do you like them apples?